Timing The Moment

Out of the blue

Into the black

My skin peels

That IS the way it feels

Promises are vows

Splintering, snapping, cracking in half

How much longer can I lie here…

With my hands tied behind my back?

The pills keep getting bigger and bigger to swallow

Me, myself, and I are the only ones left to wallow…

Tonight, I will try it again…

Timing the moment

I’ll come face to face with my God

I’ve so much to be forgiven for

Down here on my knees

Down here on my floor

The Exact Moment

I am an amputee since you left

Half of a whole

And everyday is a struggle

I need you like I need air

I need you like I need water

I’ve never had such a strong sexual attraction to anyone before. Ever. If I just think of you, my heart races, my blood boils, and I can’t catch my breath. It’s as if you have stolen all the oxygen right from my lungs. Along with my breath you have taken my self control. I no longer possess it. You do. I have become an object. Your sex object. Just as you have become mine. My body, my mind, my heart, my soul…every cell in my body has become 100% pure sex. My desire…has manifested into my life’s mission: To mate with you. To make you happy. To devour you. To eat from you. To share my body with you. To share my life with you. The sexual energy between us is palpable. I can feel it. I stroke it. I play with it. Most of the time…I am not aware what is even happening to me. On the one hand I feel euphoria…on the other a despair so great it feels like I am dying a thousand deaths. It is merely lust? Merely love? Merely passion? Why do I find it impossible to clearly put to words the ways in which you make me feel? Is it enough to say…I feel connected to you in a way…that most people will never feel for another human being as long as they live? If I tell you…I am crying as I type this….that my vital organs feel squeezed inside of my skin, trapped behind my bones…because they are being prevented from doing what they want to do: they want to be smushed up next to you. Our bodies are a perfect fit. Literally. Figuratively. It seems so trite to say we are puzzle pieces…and yet…that is exactly what we are. When we are together, everything feels right. When we are apart…it hurts. You are my man, I am your woman. Yet, we belong to others. The pain of our situation, for all involved…is the worst tragedy I can imagine. Sometimes I feel like we are playing out one of the saddest greek tragedies ever known to mankind. Do you believe me? When I tell you…I ache? From the moment I met you…the momentthe exact moment…and I remember it so well…I fell in love with you. I recognized you. I knew you. I knew who you were. I saw…myself.